Monday, April 14, 2008

Frogging and Breathing

Despite my best efforts, I'm doing more frogging lately than crafting, and the combination of (a) one too many dadgummit moments*, (b) my typical end of the semester stress, and (c) pending life decisions for myself and my husband has been a little too much lately. I spent the weekend thinking about these Big Decisions and feeling far too spaced out from my migraine to do anything more complex than laundry. Even that was a stretch.

*The dadgummit moments: At first, it was just the scarf I was working on, though I'll admit to liking my new ideas for it more anyway. The dadgummit moment that really got me was realizing - about 20 rows in - that the strapless top from Sensual Crochet was going to be too big. It's strange, too, because I gauge swatched just fine. It means starting over, though to be honest, I made a couple little glitches I should have ripped back to fix early on, but I didn't because I wasn't sure how. Now I know, so perhaps things will work out for the best in that arena, too.

Hmm, have I struck an optimistic vein? Perhaps, but let's not get carried away.

On the end of the year stress, it's nothing out of the ordinary - i.e. just grading - and a little guilt that in having taken on too much this last year, I didn't really give my best to a couple students. Then again, that constant I-could-do-more feeling is probably why I have migraines, and is definitely why I'm taking a leave of absence. And the students themselves deny my own statements of inadequacy. Sometimes its good to listen to them, too.

As for the Big Decisions, all I can really say here is that I've been offered an opportunity I didn't expect to be offered. An Opportunity, really. It's all good until you hit the part where my husband and I may be living apart for the next two years if we both want to take advantage of the Opportunities in front of us. We've done it before - I do not miss thee, former military life - but we're not exactly ecstatic about doing it again. And we'll probably come out the far side in debt this time since grad school doesn't offer separation pay.

I guess the only thing to do is knit and think and knit.

2 comments:

Knitting Linguist said...

That's a whole lot on your plate at once. It's hard when Opportunities all arrive at the same time and all go in different directions. I hope the knitting and thinking helps!

twinsetjan said...

Always, always, always KBD. (Keep breathing deeply). I know that separation anxiety. My husband and I have geo-bached more times than I care to think. And, yeah, I can see where we might have to do it again. It's easier with the kids grown and gone, but it's still hard -- and made harder if people question you on your motive for doing it. Whatever decision you make, embrace it...and KBD.